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Better, Greater?

These days you think back to other times

like they were better than they are now,

not that I was around when you thought

things were so greater.

I know you miss something

but things were not better.

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My Prayers Answered

I started to wonder why I’m in this place,

then I remembered a prayer I once prayed.

Sometimes What you truely want

is what you will receive.

Sometimes what you truely need

is what you will be like a seed

waiting to grow.

I heard a voice those years ago,

now I’m here

thankful to have been brought out of

those times.

What was is no more,

those words spoken will not be

a curse upon my life anymore.

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Only Dreams…

These nights I sleep alone,

I’ve always been alone,

and sometimes I dream

while awake a dream of love found

but there only dreams.

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All of these Years

I was thinking about you tonight,

memories of you so few

But I often think back

to that year.

I wish I had been stronger,

if only I had been honest with myself.

The person I am now

is the the one I was back then.

I think of all of these years

and I wonder where you are now.

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Some Random Thoughts

What am I doing with my life?

Did I ever really have a plan?

I can hear my own doubts like songs in my head.

I follow the sun across the empty

My thoughts are crowded as I linger on the things that I cannot change.

If you ever read this I want you to know that I will always love you and I don’t regret what we had those many years ago.

I’m alone but so are so many people out there looking for more than getting by.

This Place I’m in…

I’ve been thinking of these ideas for so long now,

Once many years ago I had dreams and a hope for something better

But then those bitter moments left me afraid to take chances.

Are we alone in this world even when surrounded in a crowded bar?

I find it assuring to know that I’m not alone in my misery.

I remember now back then I didn’t know the darkness that would find me in my desperate hour,

I am looking for something that I don’t know how to find

And I don’t know what it looks like but it’s definitely different from this Place I’m in right now.

Who I Am…

Let me begin by saying

I still don’t know everything.

I started out looking for more to life,

found an empty deep inside,

a craving I could never hide.

I came to realize,

I opened my eyes,

to the facts of my life.

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Louder

Red umbrella

Green grass growing

Silver haired ladies

And thousands of televisions

With the sound up louder

Than the neighbor’s music.

Late Night

It’s late at night

I’m not tired

But I need to sleep.

What dreams will come

When I close my eyes?

One day over

As a new day begins.

These Darkest Hours

Sometimes I don’t care anymore,

late nights alone,

wondering why I do anything.

These times are tough,

things are not getting easier,

my days are shorter now

and my nights are growing longer

especially without you.

I could cry myself to sleep,

each night alone in my bed,

but what would that do?

but stain my pillow.

I’m alone wanting to be with you,

have we met?

Tonight alone again,

I cannot pretend to understand

but even in these darkest hours

I keep going on…

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Something We Could Do

Sometimes I don’t have the words to say,

Sometimes I don’t know what to do,

But whatever is between us can always be removed.

This room is too tense

To waste time with small talk

When we have something better to do.

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Empty Things

Summer came and went away,

Now it’s time to celebrate,

Autumn fills the air

With the scents of the Season

Of harvest.

Autumn is here

And we’re going to celebrate,

No time to waste on

Empty things.

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Time Drifting Away

Hello my friend

We’re here again,

Sitting in a crowded room

Watching the time drifting away.

To the Departed

Tonight I hear the Angels singing,

Welcoming you home,

Rejoicing as we bid you farewell.

I rejoice through my tears

As we sing here below

Praising Our Lord

For the time you were with us

But now He’s called you home.

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Satisfaction

You can’t take my satisfaction,

My hope doesn’t come from you,

You never knew as much as you thought you knew.

Today I make a vow to live out loud,

A life worth living,

And God only knows

How it will end.

A song of Hope

A song comes through the noises of life,

Why bring on so much strife into your life

When there’s so much to life that’s so so good.

I follow the things on my heart,

My feet take me where I fear to tread,

Places to stand against the evils of this World,

I don’t know if the courage within me is strong enough alone but I have a power that overcomes anything that comes my way.

A song fills me with joy, what a new day does for my soul,

It fills me with hope.

Today I Have Hope…

I woke up this morning

With a song on my mind,

Came through the door

To find life has so much more

Than mourning and sorrow.

I don’t know if I will ever find someone

But I’ll live my life in pursuit of love,

Living each day with hope

‘Cause what’s life sans a chance

To find that someone who will satisfy

What I am longing after all of my days and nights.

Dark Places Imagined: That night We First Saw It

The rain pours a constant rhythm on the roof as I look at my phone trying to decide what exactly to say once I find the courage to call him. It was only yesterday that we found ourselves lost in the middle of nowhere.

It was a rainy day like is now…

The rain is thick. We drive as a song on the radio plays. We’re not driving to a particular place but we’re going somewhere.

A few days had passed since we first met. Now we’re together in the same car heading towards a small bar he heard about from a friend of a friend.

I’m not much of a bar person myself but I decided to give in to this notion of going to a bar to make him happy.

He drives while I look out the passenger window trying to find this gay bar in the middle of nowhere.

“I think we should consider giving up on this place.”

He’s driving so him saying this is a way for him to tell me that the decision to abandon our little quest to find this bar is not his alone. I remain silent in case this is a test of my commitment level.

He drives on. He must know that I won’t be the one to decide to head home.

The road transitions from a paved road to a dirt road with muddy holes everywhere. The sky is electric. Thunder louder than the radio makes me question the logic of our journey.

The car stops. I’ve been watching for the bar wondering if this bar actually exists. I look ahead to find the reason for our abrupt stop.

The road has come to an awkward stop. There is a big “Road Ends” Sign but this is our first indication that this road ends. On the map on my phone this road keeps going but I assume my phone is wrong since the road clearly ends in front of us.

I don’t recall why we left the car. It could have been out of some desire to touch the end of road sign just to see if it was real. We found the trail beside the sign. We followed the trail. I think he saw something down the trail that I don’t see. I followed him.

We found the small box sticking out of the mud. It was then and there that so much began. We never found the bar but that night we found something that would change our lives forever.

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Tonight I Remember…

It’s just another day

but it’s not the same.

It’s never easy saying goodbye.

I will always remember you.

I can imagine you

but it’s not the same.

I wonder if you knew

what you meant to me.

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Into the Morning

I walk into the morning

sun rising to my side,

I cannot recall the last time I was not alone.

I could imagine walking

with someone,

our hands would meet

but for now

I walk into this morning alone.

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