The sky is a blue canvas as I walk down a street unaware of where I am walking. My mind is restless as I walk away from home towards anywhere but home.
The first time I saw him I was uncertain whether or not he was real.
I look up as he walks towards me. Our eyes meet. I blink. Is this a dream?
I have known for years how I feel different when I am around other boys. Not all boys. My heart beats faster. I am nervous. I am uncertain. Words fail me.
I walk. He walks. Our eyes meet. At first I think he will be like the other boys I was attracted to. I imagined him walking past me as though he had not seen me despite our eyes meeting.
Time slows. I want to hide. I want him to not see me. I want to go home and go back to bed. I do not want to have what I want because I fear having what I want.
I have imagined being with someone like him so many nights alone in my bed. I would imagine them touching me as I would touch myself.
He stops walking. I stop walking. Does he know the thoughts that I am having? Does he know that he is at the center of those thoughts?
He speaks. I listen. His voice is music to my ears. He has seen me around before I saw him. He wanted to speak to me before but it never worked out. I imagine our first kiss as he talks about himself. I laugh at his jokes. I listen to the things he shares. I share with him about my life.
We walk. Beneath the canvas of blue we walk.
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