One Summer at camp an older boy taught me to swim. I had a crush on him and other older boys that Summer. I lacked the courage to act upon my feelings and I doubt and wonder if he would have appreciated my feelings for him.

It was not easy growing up attracted to other boys and it was difficult feeling different but not being able to fully express these feelings. Being told to act certain ways or fear people thinking you’re not man enough.

Being teased did not help. I was afraid to express what I had always known about myself. I had a fantasy life in which I imagined doing things with other boys but I kept those thoughts locked away. I wanted to be more than friends with other boys but I had the instinct to hide that side of me,an instinct placed inside of me.

Discovering yourself requires leaving behind all of the stuff that has been placed inside your mind by those that think they know best for you.

Categories: writing

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