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A Fan of Cars

I stand on the edge of the sidewalk waiting. I pace wondering if he’ll show up. I’m nervous. I want him not to show up so I can go home and forget the idea of meeting old men.

Cars come and go. I check my phone several times in a row. I don’t remember how I came across this man. I know that he was the one that made first contact. I never message old men without them messaging me first.

A car pulls up. It’s one of those old cars that are long. They remind me of a tank. A man steps out of the car. I never think too much about what these old men look like because I’m only interested in one thing while I’m with them.

We have the usual small talk when meeting someone for the first time in person. I get into his car wondering if I should be doing this. We talk as he drives. I’m vaguely aware of where he’s taking me.

He pulls into a driveway beside a house. I’m still nervous. I’m always nervous when I know or suspect that sex will be involved. I walk into the house wondering if I would walk out again.

He’s a bug NASCAR fan. There’s NASCAR stuff everywhere. He’s told me something about him being involved in NASCAR but I was distracted by my doubt revolving around me being here.

I sit in an office chair in front of large screen. He finds porn for me to watch while he sucks my cock. I like the feeling of being sucked but I’m not so fond of being sucked by old men, they’re the ones that offer mostly.

I’m naked. The process of becoming naked is boring. I’m not sure why I’m so confident in these moments because I’m nervous about my looks in general. I’m naked in a room with an old man.

He does what all old men do when they suck my cock. He’s on the floor and I watch porn trying to utilize my imagination to take me away from here. I imagine doing things the guys in the porn are doing. I imagine doing these things with the guys from the porn. I don’t think I actually want to have sex with someone from a porn but it’s only in my mind.

I feel his mouth but I’m pretending it’s not the mouth of an old man. I don’t hate these old men are think less of them. I know that, sometimes, they want more from me than I would ever be capable of giving them.

It takes a long time before he’s swallowing all that I give him. He sits in a nearby chair. We talk. I’m still naked but for some reason my nudity doesn’t bother me. I’m comfortable being naked in front of this stranger.

He takes me to a hamburger restaurant and we eat and chat some more. I like this guy. I like spending time with most of the old men that I meet but I sometimes wish that I could have them as “father figures” and not have the sex part.

He drops me off where he picked me up. I wonder how many times he’ll meet me before becoming tired of meeting me. He’ll lose interest in my cock and he’ll find another boy to suck off. I wonder why it matters and why him losing interest in me bothers me so much.

Categories: writing

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