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First Time

It’s late night on a weekend and we’re together again. We’ve been kissing since he first appeared at my front door. My parents don’t know about me or the two of us. To them Matt is my best friend and nothing more.

In my room we kiss. The door is closed but it’s cool as long as there isn’t a girl in my room.

Last year they caught me with a girl in my room. She’s my best friend. We were talking about boys. We were on the floor, on our backs, looking up at the fake stars on my ceiling. I almost came out to my parents that day but I chickened out at the last minute. Now I have to keep the door open when she comes over.

Matt stole a bottle of lube from Target. He brought it with him in a brown paper bag as though it would be less obvious. It has a weird smell that I don’t know how to describe other than weird.

I allow a drop of lube to gather in my palm. I use my other fingers to mix it as though it were some sort of potion like the witches from Macbeth would concoct.

It’s warm for an Autumn day. We stripped down to our underwear as soon as the door closed. We’re certain that no one will barge into my room again. The last time it was my mom that walked in while we were half naked.

He’s on his stomach. Sometimes I watch him when he’s preoccupied with something other than me. I know he’s considering the upcoming dance at school. We’re out at school but going to the dance together could mean coming out to our parents and neither one of us is ready to come out to our parents.

My hands are lightly coated in lube. Something about the lube and looking at Matt makes me hard. We’ve never discussed sex. We’ve never talked about which one us would be the top or bottom or whether we’d be versatile. I’m leaning towards versatile because I want to top and bottom Matt. I’ve dreamt both many times while masturbating.

Without realizing what I’m doing I begin rubbing the backs of his legs with the lube. He doesn’t say anything nor does he try to stop me. I’m feeling uncertain because I never imagined doing anything like this anytime soon.

I pull his underwear down and his hips lift in an affirming gesture. I pull them down his legs before tossing them aside. I’m harder than I’ve ever been.

I’m nervous. I’m usually nervous when doing anything for the first time. I pull off my underwear.

We’re naked. I want to hold onto this memory. I spread some lube on my shaft. Matt takes the bottle and spreads some between his legs. I’m not sure what to do next but I’ve seen plenty of porn.

He spreads his legs slightly apart. I shift forward, between his legs with my dick leading the way. It makes me think of the sticks used in old movies to locate water. I almost laugh out loud.

I’m on all fours. I wonder what this would look like if either of my parents walked in on us at this very moment. I guide myself into him. We haven’t discussed this moment but we both want this. I feel him as I push myself into him. It feels amazing. I wonder why we’ve waited so long to do this.

I slide in and out and in again. Matt moans. At first I think I’m hurting him. He tells me that I feel great inside of him. I rest my body against him. I want to feel all of him pressed against my body. I don’t want this to end too soon.

After some time I begin to have a desire to push into him harder. We’re like a machine with our moving parts working together. The motion of in and out makes me do it faster. I feel a surge. I’ve been taught what will happen but knowing that at any moment it will happen us exciting. I begin to wonder how long it will take when it happens. It’s like an explosion of energy. There’s movement and a flow.

After I empty myself into him we cuddle under a blanket. We’re romantic like that. We kiss and drift to sleep in each other’s arms. Not being out to my parents has some advantages.

Categories: writing


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