I hear the songs of the season as the snow begins falling outside. I’m alone on this December evening. I’m always alone dreaming of not being alone. It’s cold outside as I bury myself beneath a stack of blankets.
It’s the time of year to remember how alone I am as families gather together somewhere.
I can imagine a time when I was younger and not always alone. I’m not speaking from a place of pride but a place of sorrow. I miss those moments. I think back upon those years often. I’m more alone than ever before these days and nights.
I cannot say that I was happy or not but that I was preoccupied most of the time. There were a few times spread out over those years in which I would find myself with someone.
These days, present days, I’m so often by myself…
The wind is cold and damp. I’ve driven for hours to reach this field. After leaving the letter I followed the directions left for me on a note. I drove not knowing if I would find him alive or not.
After this our lives will never be the same again.
I enter the room as though I already belong in this place I’ve never been. I count things in my head to calm my nerves. The letter only mentioned the place and time. The envelope in my hand is what the kidnapper wanted.
I walked into our apartment expecting him to be waiting for me but what I found was an empty apartment. The note left instructed me to retrieve a letter from a box at a bank I’ve driven by often but have never been inside of.
I watch the stars at night as the story unfolds in my mind like a map I’ve seen a thousand times. I could hold my breath as the winds of time shift. I can hear the sounds of life, songs of life become my soundtrack.
Have you ever been in love as I am at this very moment in time. The actions in this moment and the moments to follow shall determine my future. If I could see what tomorrow will be like would I be so bold in expressing my feelings?
I close my eyes as rain pours around me. I’m drenched but I remain where I stand knowing that at any moment the future I saw once in a dream will be the present.
I only have so much time, once things begin to occur, to change my past and future in one instance…
Somewhere out there amongst the stars is a place of dreams. A place told of in countless stories with various names but all of these stories are true.
In secret I watch the place where dreams become more. A portal to a place thought to be no more than the common thread many writers have used to weave fantastic tales.
Shall I draw the symbolic curtain open to reveal most know as myth is real?
The road is a vast empty as above clouds dance through my vision. A solitary car appears. At the edge of the road stands a group of eager teens. They desire to leave behind the mysteries of a town from another time. I was one of them once. I departed that town before it vanished to reappear again these many years later.
Music guides me as I seek the source of this beautiful sound. Early morning I walk this road unaware of all but this music that woke me from a dream. How I came to be in this place is a mystery.
What if I wake up uncertain of everything I once thought so clear to me,
These hours I stay awake watching time move on without me,
Where is the clarity in these darkest of hours when I’m seeking purpose?
I slow my breath as I follow the path uncertain of its end and uncertain of whom I followed here. It was a shadow that I followed after discovering the body…
The thing that I remember the most about the day my life changed forever was the weather. We sat in the cool of the early evening hours watching tiny clouds drift out of view. We sat in our spot as the world, our world, changed around us. In one moment the weather changed from early Autumn to Summer.
Our town wasn’t anything special prior to that day. There was the occasional rumor of a secret military facility beneath the town but there were other rumors that circulated. Rumors about tunnels beneath the town.
More to come…