These nights I sleep alone,

I’ve always been alone,

and sometimes I dream

while awake a dream of love found

but there only dreams.

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I was thinking about you tonight,

memories of you so few

But I often think back

to that year.

I wish I had been stronger,

if only I had been honest with myself.

The person I am now

is the the one I was back then.

I think of all of these years

and I wonder where you are now.

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What am I doing with my life?

Did I ever really have a plan?

I can hear my own doubts like songs in my head.

I follow the sun across the empty

My thoughts are crowded as I linger on the things that I cannot change.

If you ever read this I want you to know that I will always love you and I don’t regret what we had those many years ago.

I’m alone but so are so many people out there looking for more than getting by.

I’ve been thinking of these ideas for so long now,

Once many years ago I had dreams and a hope for something better

But then those bitter moments left me afraid to take chances.

Are we alone in this world even when surrounded in a crowded bar?

I find it assuring to know that I’m not alone in my misery.

I remember now back then I didn’t know the darkness that would find me in my desperate hour,

I am looking for something that I don’t know how to find

And I don’t know what it looks like but it’s definitely different from this Place I’m in right now.

Let me begin by saying

I still don’t know everything.

I started out looking for more to life,

found an empty deep inside,

a craving I could never hide.

I came to realize,

I opened my eyes,

to the facts of my life.

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Red umbrella

Green grass growing

Silver haired ladies

And thousands of televisions

With the sound up louder

Than the neighbor’s music.