Red umbrella

Green grass growing

Silver haired ladies

And thousands of televisions

With the sound up louder

Than the neighbor’s music.

It’s late at night

I’m not tired

But I need to sleep.

What dreams will come

When I close my eyes?

One day over

As a new day begins.

Sometimes I don’t care anymore,

late nights alone,

wondering why I do anything.

These times are tough,

things are not getting easier,

my days are shorter now

and my nights are growing longer

especially without you.

I could cry myself to sleep,

each night alone in my bed,

but what would that do?

but stain my pillow.

I’m alone wanting to be with you,

have we met?

Tonight alone again,

I cannot pretend to understand

but even in these darkest hours

I keep going on…

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Sometimes I don’t have the words to say,

Sometimes I don’t know what to do,

But whatever is between us can always be removed.

This room is too tense

To waste time with small talk

When we have something better to do.

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Summer came and went away,

Now it’s time to celebrate,

Autumn fills the air

With the scents of the Season

Of harvest.

Autumn is here

And we’re going to celebrate,

No time to waste on

Empty things.

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Hello my friend

We’re here again,

Sitting in a crowded room

Watching the time drifting away.

Tonight I hear the Angels singing,

Welcoming you home,

Rejoicing as we bid you farewell.

I rejoice through my tears

As we sing here below

Praising Our Lord

For the time you were with us

But now He’s called you home.

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You can’t take my satisfaction,

My hope doesn’t come from you,

You never knew as much as you thought you knew.

Today I make a vow to live out loud,

A life worth living,

And God only knows

How it will end.

A song comes through the noises of life,

Why bring on so much strife into your life

When there’s so much to life that’s so so good.

I follow the things on my heart,

My feet take me where I fear to tread,

Places to stand against the evils of this World,

I don’t know if the courage within me is strong enough alone but I have a power that overcomes anything that comes my way.

A song fills me with joy, what a new day does for my soul,

It fills me with hope.

I woke up this morning

With a song on my mind,

Came through the door

To find life has so much more

Than mourning and sorrow.

I don’t know if I will ever find someone

But I’ll live my life in pursuit of love,

Living each day with hope

‘Cause what’s life sans a chance

To find that someone who will satisfy

What I am longing after all of my days and nights.

The rain pours a constant rhythm on the roof as I look at my phone trying to decide what exactly to say once I find the courage to call him. It was only yesterday that we found ourselves lost in the middle of nowhere.

It was a rainy day like is now…

The rain is thick. We drive as a song on the radio plays. We’re not driving to a particular place but we’re going somewhere.

A few days had passed since we first met. Now we’re together in the same car heading towards a small bar he heard about from a friend of a friend.

I’m not much of a bar person myself but I decided to give in to this notion of going to a bar to make him happy.

He drives while I look out the passenger window trying to find this gay bar in the middle of nowhere.

“I think we should consider giving up on this place.”

He’s driving so him saying this is a way for him to tell me that the decision to abandon our little quest to find this bar is not his alone. I remain silent in case this is a test of my commitment level.

He drives on. He must know that I won’t be the one to decide to head home.

The road transitions from a paved road to a dirt road with muddy holes everywhere. The sky is electric. Thunder louder than the radio makes me question the logic of our journey.

The car stops. I’ve been watching for the bar wondering if this bar actually exists. I look ahead to find the reason for our abrupt stop.

The road has come to an awkward stop. There is a big “Road Ends” Sign but this is our first indication that this road ends. On the map on my phone this road keeps going but I assume my phone is wrong since the road clearly ends in front of us.

I don’t recall why we left the car. It could have been out of some desire to touch the end of road sign just to see if it was real. We found the trail beside the sign. We followed the trail. I think he saw something down the trail that I don’t see. I followed him.

We found the small box sticking out of the mud. It was then and there that so much began. We never found the bar but that night we found something that would change our lives forever.

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I walk into the morning

sun rising to my side,

I cannot recall the last time I was not alone.

I could imagine walking

with someone,

our hands would meet

but for now

I walk into this morning alone.

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I feel it growing

while I imagine

of being closer to you.

In my longing,

early hours alone,

dreaming I find you again.

In these hours,

silence all around,

I imagine a time now gone.

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If this is what we’ve been seeking,

longing after,

have we been mistaken

our entire lives wasted.

I stand waiting

for things to be better

but each day new

brings with it new complications.

Whatever we follow,

the things we find to be our passions,

are the things

that we live for the most

but what are these things

that have become our lives?

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I remember when we met,

I was not looking until I found you,

you captivated me

and I began to dream

of you when I was not with you.

I close my eyes

to the struggle,

it’s too real to hide for long

from these dreary days I’m living,

to find the memories of you.

It’s been so long,

I wonder how you are.

Sometimes I recall you the way you were

in those times we shared,

I remember you

and sometimes I miss being so near to you.

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Floating in my memory,

Memories come drifting.

I see the yesterday

as though it were this very moment.

I write words while I’m dreaming, awake.

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I watch the sun descending. I want to remember what I’ve forgotten but I’m uncertain where to begin.

This story is but bits and fragments of memory. Should you choose to continue it’s at the risk of your own sanity. If you believe what I’m about to share with you then it may be too late. You’ve been warned.

The first time I saw him he was washing a dog. I was walking somewhere, a place I now cannot recall, when I noticed him. He was wet and shirtless. He was struggling with the dog but he was laughing and smiling.

I spoke to him despite my fear of rejection. I walked with him to his house. It was a warm day. We went to his room.

Later we’d meet the other two in our small group. The other two guys knew from the start that we were a couple. The story truly begins after we’ve been friends for years. It was and it is a place we would find by accident. Each time we’ve been there we only found it after we stopped looking.

I sit alone in the morning

I sit alone in the evening,

Wishing and hoping

For someone to sit with all of my days and nights.

I wake up and I find

Everything is not fine

I wake up to see

There’s more to be,

There’s more to do with this life.

What is time but a thing observed? The beginning of a story is not always the moment things began but a random moment in time in relation to the overall story.

We four sit in a booth of a diner waiting for the menus. We’re here in hopes of finding out the meaning behind our shared nightmare. We have never met prior to this bad, horrible, dream. At least we think we’ve never met before.

I yawn from the long drive it took to reach this diner. I’ve never seen this place before the nightmare.