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#abuse

Whole Again

I wish I could be so bold

in my life

but these strings

keep me down.

I feel the tug to be

like someone else

when my real self keeps

reaching up towards

greater heights.

I imagine being myself

but who am I

when these tragedies and lies

have shaped my identity?

I want to love but I fear

love won’t be returned.

These nights alone

I fear these nights

will be the rest

of my life.

Stuck in me head

trying to be me

when your impressions of me

keep bringing me down.

Trying to live my dreams

but all I receive are reasons to give up.

I hear the birds sing

and I hear the wind through the trees

as I sit silently waiting for another day to begin…

Can you take away the pain

and all of these hidden things

that keep me locked away?

I never doubted you,

Lord, you have brought me through

so much pain and suffering

but now I need for you

to make these broken pieces

whole again.

 

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Those Darkest of Hours

In the dark hours,

times of low

and sorrow

I hear his voice

shattering my silence.

I want to kill his memories,

forget the time I spent captive.

I’ve been broken,

those words spoken

are still roaming

my head like smoke filling

a room of memory.

You watched me in the shower,

you watched me as I slept

on your sofa in the living room.

You took me in your mouth,

threw up all over me,

I am being blunt

because these feelings

could ruin me

if not expressed.

You took me when I was low,

in need of a friend

but that was not what you wanted,

and you shattered me

with your words and deeds

when you wanted my seed inside of you.

This is raw

like my emotions,

confused as I was about the moments.

So you made me hard,

it’s not that difficult to do,

but I was never into you

like you were into me.

We could have been friends

but then you kept wanting more,

now these many years later

I write these words

wanting to end your

influence over me.

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