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#Dreams

Whole Again

I wish I could be so bold

in my life

but these strings

keep me down.

I feel the tug to be

like someone else

when my real self keeps

reaching up towards

greater heights.

I imagine being myself

but who am I

when these tragedies and lies

have shaped my identity?

I want to love but I fear

love won’t be returned.

These nights alone

I fear these nights

will be the rest

of my life.

Stuck in me head

trying to be me

when your impressions of me

keep bringing me down.

Trying to live my dreams

but all I receive are reasons to give up.

I hear the birds sing

and I hear the wind through the trees

as I sit silently waiting for another day to begin…

Can you take away the pain

and all of these hidden things

that keep me locked away?

I never doubted you,

Lord, you have brought me through

so much pain and suffering

but now I need for you

to make these broken pieces

whole again.

 

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Most Important Dreams

Waking in the morning,

I’m out of bed

before my dreams fade

as they do everyday.

No alarm

just another day.

Nothing to do

but work and dream

the day away.

Say nothing to anyone

because I’m all alone in my room.

I dream while awake

and I dream at night

but the dreams that matter

the most to me

are the dreams

I’ve had so many years now…

 

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Past Dreams

I close my eyes to the night,

imagine a memory

but it was only a dream

I once had

when I was young.

What do I recall

from those earlier times?

I was not always alone

but now it’s all I remember.

 

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Waiting

I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.

 

 

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Shatter the Wall

I couldn’t imagine these nights,

like a castle in the sky

my dreams fill my mind

with plans for another hour,

these nights are not easy

because these are the nights

of waiting for something more.

Waiting for a dream

to be more than images

in my head,

waiting for the wall between,

my waking life

and the life of my dreams,

to shatter into fragments of mirrors.

 

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Some of these Dreams…

I shake the dreams,

some nightmares

never go away.

 

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A moment

I was thinking so often,

in that moment

that lasted a only minutes,

that I could take you home

but I was too shy to even

go up to you in person.

I watched hoping

that you’d come over

and things would happen

like an emotion.

I imagine you as my boyfriend

though I don’t know your name.

I imagine us together

though it will never be that way.

I dream of you

if only in that moment.

 

 

 

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If Only

I close my eyes to the day,

dreams are better than

my real life.

If I could express

in words

the things

in my head

I would

but they remain

unspoken.

I holding onto so much

you’ve never seen,

what do I know of anything

but the pain that comes

from the struggles of life.

I wait for night to come,

to haveĀ  a chance

to forget:

if only for a dream.

Confidence

Late night,

alone in my room,

wondering what to do

when I’m so unsure of everything.

I desire to do so much

but I lack the confidence

to do much of anything.

People from My Past

It’s stuck in my head,

fragments of memories,

those times real or imagined.

There’s no one to ask,

no one would know,

these people from my past

either a dream or in my waking life.

 

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Tonight

Today was a long one,

leaving me exhausted,

now I will go to bed

to dream of my other life.

I live a life at night,

with the lights off,

that’s different each time

I close my eyes.

 

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Awake and Hopeful

I woke from a dream

not knowing if it was real,

open my eyes to realise

I was dreaming the entire time.

I could say I regret

but life happened

and all you have are memories.

I have a telephone

but no one ever calls me,

I’m alone on this journey of life

and I’m looking for someone to show me

the direction to the the nearest exit.

I wake to a cold bed,

I’m stiff and freezing cold.

I’m alone in my bed

with dreams lingering,

do you remember me

because I was different then?

Now I am woke

ready to smash,

patiently waiting

but always a hopeless romantic

I eagerly wait for the next dream

and as soon as my head reaches the pillow

I’ll be far from here

in a fantasy.

Are you there

reading what I have to say?

I wish we could have been

more than friends

but now it’s not the same

and I am trying to be someone better

than I was those many years ago.

One last thing before I go:

I’m awake and hopeful.

 

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Who Cares?

It’s raining outside my window,

darkness all around me,

night has come once again

and dreams will soon find me.

My head is heavy with burdens,

does anyone care?

I find these times alone,

times when I have nothing but thinking to do

to be times of strong emotions

as I recall memories

when all I have are memories.

Is it better to be alone?

No one to share these moments with.

I have my memories

but who cares about my memories?

 

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Gone

Lately

I’ve been dreaming,

thinking so much

about tomorrow.

I feel these memories,

like pieces of a puzzle.

Tonight

I remember a life

lived before now,

I want to hold tightly to

these moments gone.

 

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Memories

If you can hear me,

when I say I need you,

will you remember me

when I’m no longer with you?

Someday my memories,

all of my days and nights,

will be forgotten

like so many before me.

I wonder if I’m wasting

these precious hours

seeking something

I shall never find.

I wonder if there’s more

to life than history.

 

 

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Fragments

Somewhere inside of my head

memories float out of reach,

Sometimes I find bits and fragments

of something lost within.

 

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Again

Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.

 

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I dream of Love

I dream of days that will never be,

I dream of people I’ll never know.

Sometimes I say words no one will ever hear,

sometimes I think: why am I here?

It’s not easy to explain,

the many things

that I am.

I can be sweet

and I can be not so nice at times.

I have these moments I feel so alone,

I want you to know that the pain you may feel

I have felt that pain as well.

I wake up not aware of what to think of the new day,

I awake hopeful that I won’t make too many mistakes.

I’m too honest at times

and I lie too often

nothing is real anymore.

I like things you may hate.

I think too much

and I do too little

so my life feels incomplete.

I’m sometimes horny,

it’s a part of the lonely.

If you know what I mean

you must be breathing.

I want to be with someone,

use my dick once again.

Is that too honest

or is that vulgar?

If I tell you I want dick again

where would we begin

to say what is hidden within?

I know secrets that I won’t share here.

Where was I?

I want it but I may never have it again.

I also want love but what is love?

How do I know it’s real

when I’ve never really had it?

Who am I?

I am many things to many different people.

I am not always the same.

What I say tonight

may not be what I say tomorrow.

I dream while awake.

I dream of him

but there’s no him in real life.

We kiss and I want to remain kissing forever.

We share our lives

but I have no life to give.

We are physical but you’re not.

What I want is more than a dick,

that’s not mine,

but I don’t have that yet.

I dream while awake of a love not yet had.

 

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My Love

I’m barely awake

as these words flow,

I’m not hard

but I am feeling a desire

to not be alone.

It’s been so long

since I have had any

that I have forgotten

what it was like,

being alone is not the same.

Awake I will not be soon enough,

if only I were not going to bed alone,

if only I could share my bed

with someone

and share my love with them.

Close

I close my eyes to the night,

dreams welcome me

like my only friend,

I close my eyes

to what’s real

for what’s in my head.

I could remain in my dreams,

forget the sorrow of the solitude,

but none of those memories are true

it’s only make believe.

 

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