#fantasy

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Once Upon a Memory

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 27, 2019 · Fiction, writing · #boyfriend, #fantasy, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #identity, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #sex, #ShortStory, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, #YA, #YAfiction, Fiction

When I close my eyes I remember the beginning. The scars remain but so do the memories. I’m told that things will get better but memories are not as easy to heal.

The lights are off in his house. I can hear the rest of his family asleep throughout the house. I’m sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag. It feels like I’m camping.

He’s in his bed. I’m on the floor next to his bed. I wonder if he’s asleep but I’m unwilling to sit up and look. It’s a quiet night. The absence of extraneous sounds only amplifies the relevant sounds.

Shall I name him? A person from memory? Is this memory what actually happened or a fictionalized version that my brain has created?

I don’t know what time it is. He moves in his bed. I hear him because I’ve been listening in anticipation of hearing him move, which means that he could be awake. I’ve waited for this moment. The first time could have been one of those once in a lifetime moments.

I close my eyes because it’s like a scary movie where you want to know what happens next but you’re afraid to see it actually take place. I close my eyes tightly.

I feel his breath upon my neck. His mouth is so close to my neck that I can feel the warmth of his breath…

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Again

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 7, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #boyfriend, #cock, #depression, #dick, #Dreams, #emotions, #fantasy, #gaypoem, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #identity, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #love, #lover, #masturbation, #memory, #oral, #past, #poem, #purpose, #SC, #sex, #songs, #SouthCarolina, #words, #writer, poetry

Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.

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I dream of Love

I dream of days that will never be,

I dream of people I’ll never know.

Sometimes I say words no one will ever hear,

sometimes I think: why am I here?

It’s not easy to explain,

the many things

that I am.

I can be sweet

and I can be not so nice at times.

I have these moments I feel so alone,

I want you to know that the pain you may feel

I have felt that pain as well.

I wake up not aware of what to think of the new day,

I awake hopeful that I won’t make too many mistakes.

I’m too honest at times

and I lie too often

nothing is real anymore.

I like things you may hate.

I think too much

and I do too little

so my life feels incomplete.

I’m sometimes horny,

it’s a part of the lonely.

If you know what I mean

you must be breathing.

I want to be with someone,

use my dick once again.

Is that too honest

or is that vulgar?

If I tell you I want dick again

where would we begin

to say what is hidden within?

I know secrets that I won’t share here.

Where was I?

I want it but I may never have it again.

I also want love but what is love?

How do I know it’s real

when I’ve never really had it?

Who am I?

I am many things to many different people.

I am not always the same.

What I say tonight

may not be what I say tomorrow.

I dream while awake.

I dream of him

but there’s no him in real life.

We kiss and I want to remain kissing forever.

We share our lives

but I have no life to give.

We are physical but you’re not.

What I want is more than a dick,

that’s not mine,

but I don’t have that yet.

I dream while awake of a love not yet had.

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Everything

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 7, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #boyfriend, #emotions, #fantasy, #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #lover, #past, #poem, #words, #writer, poetry

Rain on my roof,

nothing to do but think of you

but there’s no you to think about.

I look at myself,

I thought I knew who I was

those years ago

but now I see

that I never knew

everything.

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Someday

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 5, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #boyfriend, #fantasy, #gaypoem, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #oral, #sex, #words, #writer, poetry

With fading dreams I awake,

wondering if today will be different

from the many before this one.

I dream of a stranger,

someone unknown to me now

but someday we won’t be strangers anymore.

Hello,

I’ve been thinking of you often,

wondering what those future days

would be like when my solitude would end.

I could smell your skin,

a scent I would know so well,

place my lips against your skin

just below your ears.

I could feel you pressing against me,

feel you in me.

We could begin with whispers,

love lines said between us.

We would kiss

and hold each other closer than before.

I would find you ready,

I could kiss it

and know that you’re eagerly waiting

to fill me your love.

Now back to this moment,

alone wondering if we’ll ever be

because it’s hard when I imagine

what it will be like to have you in my arms

and know that you love me.

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