On My Own…

I stare into the abyss of the coming day,

hours I dread coming so fast

like a train on a foggy day

appearing like a ghost

so suddenly,

I shake myself awake

after dreams so vivid

but now they’re all faded

erased from my memory.

I count to ease the things

of memory that sometimes

rush like a flood

overwhelming me

as I attempt to live my life

forgetting the trauma

that has brought me here.

If only I could not be alone

I could dream those pleasant dreams

every night without the worry of

reliving something so dark from my past.

I could kiss his lips,

kiss his hips,

feel his embrace

while he’s inside.

These hours of life bring me back

to what’s real and what is not.

I’m without a love

and sometimes it hurts

to be on my own in this World.


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I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.



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Short Stories

I am posting short stories to my Patreon…


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Into the Woods

The embers of the fire glow as if alive. The fire is almost dead. Smoke rises in a few places. I sit on a log nearby watching. It’s late in the evening and I’m here alone watching a fire die out.
The rest of the troop is elsewhere.
Earlier in the night we scattered through the trees hiding as other seeked. I walked slowly through the woods trying to avoid the random branch. I can smell the scents of camping. The smell of trees and the smell of nearby camp fires.
I begin to hide by myself when he appeared…


Continued on my Patreon:


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Once Upon a Memory

When I close my eyes I remember the beginning. The scars remain but so do the memories. I’m told that things will get better but memories are not as easy to heal.

The lights are off in his house. I can hear the rest of his family asleep throughout the house. I’m sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag. It feels like I’m camping.

He’s in his bed. I’m on the floor next to his bed. I wonder if he’s asleep but I’m unwilling to sit up and look. It’s a quiet night. The absence of extraneous sounds only amplifies the relevant sounds.

Shall I name him? A person from memory? Is this memory what actually happened or a fictionalized version that my brain has created?

I don’t know what time it is. He moves in his bed. I hear him because I’ve been listening in anticipation of hearing him move, which means that he could be awake. I’ve waited for this moment. The first time could have been one of those once in a lifetime moments.

I close my eyes because it’s like a scary movie where you want to know what happens next but you’re afraid to see it actually take place. I close my eyes tightly.

I feel his breath upon my neck. His mouth is so close to my neck that I can feel the warmth of his breath…


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Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.


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I dream of Love

I dream of days that will never be,

I dream of people I’ll never know.

Sometimes I say words no one will ever hear,

sometimes I think: why am I here?

It’s not easy to explain,

the many things

that I am.

I can be sweet

and I can be not so nice at times.

I have these moments I feel so alone,

I want you to know that the pain you may feel

I have felt that pain as well.

I wake up not aware of what to think of the new day,

I awake hopeful that I won’t make too many mistakes.

I’m too honest at times

and I lie too often

nothing is real anymore.

I like things you may hate.

I think too much

and I do too little

so my life feels incomplete.

I’m sometimes horny,

it’s a part of the lonely.

If you know what I mean

you must be breathing.

I want to be with someone,

use my dick once again.

Is that too honest

or is that vulgar?

If I tell you I want dick again

where would we begin

to say what is hidden within?

I know secrets that I won’t share here.

Where was I?

I want it but I may never have it again.

I also want love but what is love?

How do I know it’s real

when I’ve never really had it?

Who am I?

I am many things to many different people.

I am not always the same.

What I say tonight

may not be what I say tomorrow.

I dream while awake.

I dream of him

but there’s no him in real life.

We kiss and I want to remain kissing forever.

We share our lives

but I have no life to give.

We are physical but you’re not.

What I want is more than a dick,

that’s not mine,

but I don’t have that yet.

I dream while awake of a love not yet had.


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Rain on my roof,

nothing to do but think of you

but there’s no you to think about.

I look at myself,

I thought I knew who I was

those years ago

but now I see

that I never knew



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With fading dreams I awake,

wondering if today will be different

from the many before this one.

I dream of a stranger,

someone unknown to me now

but someday we won’t be strangers anymore.


I’ve been thinking of you often,

wondering what those future days

would be like when my solitude would end.

I could smell your skin,

a scent I would know so well,

place my lips against your skin

just below your ears.

I could feel you pressing against me,

feel you in me.

We could begin with whispers,

love lines said between us.

We would kiss

and hold each other closer than before.

I would find you ready,

I could kiss it

and know that you’re eagerly waiting

to fill me your love.

Now back to this moment,

alone wondering if we’ll ever be

because it’s hard when I imagine

what it will be like to have you in my arms

and know that you love me.


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The headlines are depressing,

my life is not what I would have expected.

I sit here thinking of choices made,

wondering about my choices

I will make.

Tired and alone,

horny but don’t want to do anything by myself.

The hour is late,

I wonder if I will ever date.



These nights alone I sit and I pray,

I long and I dream,

but still I remain.



What without words you expressed:

your lips part,

I feel your intent

as you move me.

I move my hips

as time stops for us.

I could remain like this

but soon it will be over.

Is there more I desire from these moments

or am I satisfied closing my eyes

and drifting to another place?

These feelings inside overpowering,

a need to be satisfied again.

I want someone to hold me closer

and bring me inside of them.

Why do I feel as I do?

I want more than before but

what I had before is what I want and more.

I’m alone so often.

I’m alone with my thoughts so often.

These feelings and desires remain inside of me.

I may dream of something from before

but I want it more now.

I dream of something more than what was before,

something I’ve never known

but have always wanted.



Something More

A moment revisited from time to time.

In my mind I’m there again.

I want to be in that moment once again.

My fingers move as I imagine

being with you once more.

It was so long ago

but I can still recall the feelings involved.

Your mouth was wet and warm

and this void I filled as I was reclining.

Is there more I’m missing,

something that was not there in person?

I seek love but all I have found were willing bodies.

Now not even that is an option.

I need more than a body,

I need a heart and mind to love.


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