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#gaypoem

Goodbye to the Past

It’s been so many days

since we last spoke on the telephone

but it’s just now that I write these words down:

I wish that things were different,

I miss the way it was before

but maybe it could never be

like it was before again.

I don’t blame you for being who you are,

I only wish you the best,

and as I end this

I want you to know

how much you mean to me

all of those times we’d be on the telephone.

It meant more to me

to hear you talk about your day

because I’m here alone

so often and you were

a voice in the silence

of my life.

We have parted ways,

we’ve done this before,

but now I’m afraid

that this must be

a permanent end

to our conversations.

 

 

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Alone in this World…

Late in the evening,

early in the morning

sometimes I wonder

if alone is how I’ll always be

in this World.

 

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Holiday Season

Summer is near its end,

soon there will be pumpkins carved,

and soon I will have that feeling again.

It’s the Holiday Season

that makes me recall

things of childhood.

I look forward to the movies

and TV specials.

I look forward to the food.

It’s that time of year

I look forward to the most.

 

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Not Forgotten

I slow my mind

with a rhythm

as my heart races.

I think about a moment,

it was so long ago,

it was just one night

but I’ve never forgotten it.

I recall meeting him

every so often

and how I only thought of him

while we were together.

Sometimes I think about the guys

I’ve shared my time with

but they were only moments in time

and now I am here alone.

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Sometimes of Memory

Sometimes while watching the weather repeat,

hot days with thunderstorms once again,

I find myself thinking about these many years.

Once I sat and spoke with you

on the Boulevard

while fascinated by the colors of the lights

and our conversation I recall

as a jumble of words.

I follow these fragments of memory

to the many places that I have been before.

I can taste these memories

like you were here with me now

but I have no idea where you reside now.

 

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Long Day’s Night

Tonight I am seeking inspiration,

words to form in my head,

but all I feel like doing

is dreaming with my eyes closed instead.

The feeling of being creative is strong

but so is the desire for sleep

when a long day

comes to an end.

 

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Lost

We follow these roads,

take chances on the direction

we’re headed.

We’re uncertain

of our destination,

we follow anyone

when we have nowhere

to go in mind.

 

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Soundtrack to My Life

A strange feeling comes over me

whenever I hear

that familiar song.

It may be from a movie,

a soundtrack that could be for my life,

but it resonates beyond the big screen.

I can hear the words and I can hear the music

as I go through my day

even when I cannot recall the name

of the song.

A stranger’s reflection in your mind,

you may have met once

but this meeting

left an impression on your mind.

A soundtrack to my life,

a cast of characters,

a constant rhythm in head.

 

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Most Important Dreams

Waking in the morning,

I’m out of bed

before my dreams fade

as they do everyday.

No alarm

just another day.

Nothing to do

but work and dream

the day away.

Say nothing to anyone

because I’m all alone in my room.

I dream while awake

and I dream at night

but the dreams that matter

the most to me

are the dreams

I’ve had so many years now…

 

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Past Dreams

I close my eyes to the night,

imagine a memory

but it was only a dream

I once had

when I was young.

What do I recall

from those earlier times?

I was not always alone

but now it’s all I remember.

 

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Waiting

I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.

 

 

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Time

I hear the bells ring,

singing my song tonight.

Time is my companion tonight,

we go back so far,

he’s always at my side.

 

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Shatter the Wall

I couldn’t imagine these nights,

like a castle in the sky

my dreams fill my mind

with plans for another hour,

these nights are not easy

because these are the nights

of waiting for something more.

Waiting for a dream

to be more than images

in my head,

waiting for the wall between,

my waking life

and the life of my dreams,

to shatter into fragments of mirrors.

 

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Intentions

It’s Saturday night dreaming of a road to travel,

escaping this prison of solitude

for the freedom of the open road.

Take me from this place

and let’s begin a new story.

My life is lame

but it was never my intention

to end up here alone.

 

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Caged Love

As the last ray of light

hits the horizon

I see you in my dreams

once again.

My hands shake

like they did

those many

years ago

in your bedroom.

Have I ever loved anyone

as I loved you then?

 

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Better…

A million questions

inside of my head,

sitting while you were

going down,

closing my eyes

to what’s real

for a dream.

I close my eyes

to it all

when things are tough,

I imagine things are better

but I wonder if

things will ever be better…

 

 

 

If You Will Remain

Soft lips

under soft light

candle light,

knowing you’re there.

 

Moments together

yearning for more.

 

Day ends

is there more?

can I ever know you

know you more?

 

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Your Lips

Suddenly I’m into deep

when I’ve chased my dreams

down a dead end street.

I watch you in memory,

you were so much to me,

but now you’re somewhere

out there unaware

of how much you meant to me.

Who am I?

What has made me into

the person you now see?

I’m not perfect

and I will never be whole

because things I’ve left behind.

Suddenly I’m aware of myself.

I am aware of a time forgotten

now remembered as if

lived only a moment ago.

We kissed.

Do you recall?

I was in love

or so I thought

but you turned me down.

It was the best,

for the two of us,

to part as we did

but I still miss your lips

pressed against mine.

 

 

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Days Gone

I watched the days,

so many days gone,

drifting like a leaf

on a stream

towards a river

to never be seen again.

 

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On My Own

Today I woke up,

alone again,

not knowing

where to begin.

Who can I go to

when I need someone?

I’m here alone,

wondering what to do,

wondering if I will fail

when I try to be more

than I was yesterday.

Will you help me?

Today I wonder

how I will do anything

on my own.

 

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