#love

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Once Upon a Memory

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 27, 2019 · Fiction, writing · #boyfriend, #fantasy, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #identity, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #sex, #ShortStory, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, #YA, #YAfiction, Fiction

When I close my eyes I remember the beginning. The scars remain but so do the memories. I’m told that things will get better but memories are not as easy to heal.

The lights are off in his house. I can hear the rest of his family asleep throughout the house. I’m sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag. It feels like I’m camping.

He’s in his bed. I’m on the floor next to his bed. I wonder if he’s asleep but I’m unwilling to sit up and look. It’s a quiet night. The absence of extraneous sounds only amplifies the relevant sounds.

Shall I name him? A person from memory? Is this memory what actually happened or a fictionalized version that my brain has created?

I don’t know what time it is. He moves in his bed. I hear him because I’ve been listening in anticipation of hearing him move, which means that he could be awake. I’ve waited for this moment. The first time could have been one of those once in a lifetime moments.

I close my eyes because it’s like a scary movie where you want to know what happens next but you’re afraid to see it actually take place. I close my eyes tightly.

I feel his breath upon my neck. His mouth is so close to my neck that I can feel the warmth of his breath…

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A moment

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 25, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #boyfriend, #cock, #Dreams, #emotions, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #love, #lover, #memory, #oral, #past, #poem, #SC, #sex, #songs, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry

I was thinking so often,

in that moment

that lasted a only minutes,

that I could take you home

but I was too shy to even

go up to you in person.

I watched hoping

that you’d come over

and things would happen

like an emotion.

I imagine you as my boyfriend

though I don’t know your name.

I imagine us together

though it will never be that way.

I dream of you

if only in that moment.

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Your Lips

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 18, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #emotions, #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #past, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #story, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry

Suddenly I’m into deep

when I’ve chased my dreams

down a dead end street.

I watch you in memory,

you were so much to me,

but now you’re somewhere

out there unaware

of how much you meant to me.

Who am I?

What has made me into

the person you now see?

I’m not perfect

and I will never be whole

because things I’ve left behind.

Suddenly I’m aware of myself.

I am aware of a time forgotten

now remembered as if

lived only a moment ago.

We kissed.

Do you recall?

I was in love

or so I thought

but you turned me down.

It was the best,

for the two of us,

to part as we did

but I still miss your lips

pressed against mine.

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Where We Once Walked…

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 18, 2019 · Fiction, writing · #depression, #drama, #emotions, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #love, #sex, #SouthCarolina, #words, #writer, Fiction

The bus moves slowly through the town that I once called home. I’ve been sleeping since I left the place I was but now here I am uncertain of what’s next. I could say that moving back here was a part of a greater plan but when have I ever planned anything?

The trees where I once ran between remain. The park still as green as when I was here once so many years ago.

I remember that last night spent here with him. We were in love but my life called me away.

The bus stops and for a moment I consider remaining on the bus. I could go to another town. I could live the rest of my life without returning here…

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Junk

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 16, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #hate, #identity, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #NavyChaplain, #past, #poem, #purpose, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry

Sometimes I wonder

why all of the ignorance?

Your comment was

like an empty container:

full of nothing.

Why do you share such junk?

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Ignorance

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 16, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #GayWriter, #hate, #identity, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #NavyChaplain, #past, #poem, #purpose, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry

I can see your ignorance

so clear

and your hate

comes through

with every word

you wrote.

You think you’re so mighty,

a judge over

everything,

you think you’re

unsinkable

but you’re a fake.

How easy it is to write

about something you know nothing about.

Keep your ignorance to yourself.

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Awake and Hopeful

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 11, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #boyfriend, #cock, #depression, #Dreams, #emotions, #gaypoem, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #masturbation, #memory, #past, #poem, #purpose, #sex, #story, #writer, poetry

I woke from a dream

not knowing if it was real,

open my eyes to realise

I was dreaming the entire time.

I could say I regret

but life happened

and all you have are memories.

I have a telephone

but no one ever calls me,

I’m alone on this journey of life

and I’m looking for someone to show me

the direction to the the nearest exit.

I wake to a cold bed,

I’m stiff and freezing cold.

I’m alone in my bed

with dreams lingering,

do you remember me

because I was different then?

Now I am woke

ready to smash,

patiently waiting

but always a hopeless romantic

I eagerly wait for the next dream

and as soon as my head reaches the pillow

I’ll be far from here

in a fantasy.

Are you there

reading what I have to say?

I wish we could have been

more than friends

but now it’s not the same

and I am trying to be someone better

than I was those many years ago.

One last thing before I go:

I’m awake and hopeful.

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Memories

jasonwhitaker29171 · June 8, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #boyfriend, #depression, #Dreams, #emotions, #gaypoem, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #memory, #music, #past, #poem, #purpose, #words, #writer, poetry

If you can hear me,

when I say I need you,

will you remember me

when I’m no longer with you?

Someday my memories,

all of my days and nights,

will be forgotten

like so many before me.

I wonder if I’m wasting

these precious hours

seeking something

I shall never find.

I wonder if there’s more

to life than history.

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