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#love

Words…

Somewhere in the night

I could arise

like the sun

and be more than anything anyone could imagine.

I hear the words

of the ignorant

and I wish that I could say

that these words never hurt

but sometimes they bring me down.

I’m not like any other,

nor do I desire to be

what some would call “normal”….

 

 

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On My Own…

I stare into the abyss of the coming day,

hours I dread coming so fast

like a train on a foggy day

appearing like a ghost

so suddenly,

I shake myself awake

after dreams so vivid

but now they’re all faded

erased from my memory.

I count to ease the things

of memory that sometimes

rush like a flood

overwhelming me

as I attempt to live my life

forgetting the trauma

that has brought me here.

If only I could not be alone

I could dream those pleasant dreams

every night without the worry of

reliving something so dark from my past.

I could kiss his lips,

kiss his hips,

feel his embrace

while he’s inside.

These hours of life bring me back

to what’s real and what is not.

I’m without a love

and sometimes it hurts

to be on my own in this World.

 

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When I dream of Love…

All of these days and nights

dreaming of someone like you

but you’re just a dream

that will never come true.

Alone in my room

with my thoughts

and time…

I find myself wanting what I’ve never had from you.

 

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Sometimes of Memory

Sometimes while watching the weather repeat,

hot days with thunderstorms once again,

I find myself thinking about these many years.

Once I sat and spoke with you

on the Boulevard

while fascinated by the colors of the lights

and our conversation I recall

as a jumble of words.

I follow these fragments of memory

to the many places that I have been before.

I can taste these memories

like you were here with me now

but I have no idea where you reside now.

 

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If Only

Somewhere out there among the stars,

I’ll find my dreams

and find you waiting for me.

Come to me when you find me,

I’ll be waiting for you.

We search our entire lives

for the love

that no one else has for us.

We search all of these days and nights

for arms to hold us tight

but we spend too many nights alone

wishing we could find this love.

If only love could find his way to me…

 

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Sometimes I Wonder…

Sometimes I wonder

where I went so wrong?

I could love you

but these feelings

won’t let me

let you in.

Somedays I feel like this crushing force

is about to take my last breath

as I remember you

as you were

when we would kiss.

Sometimes I think no one

could ever love me

as I am,

but how could I ever change

who I am for love?

 

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We Kissed…

Somewhere, once someday long ago,

we kissed and I remember

how much I wanted it to never end

but here I am alone

longing to be kissed again.

I cannot explain it,

these feelings within

like tiny explosions

in my heart.

Do I still love you

or have I ever loved you

from the start?

Maybe I’ll never know

because it ended before

it had time to truly begin…

 

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Satisfy

The hour comes to me,

late at night in my room,

with the urge to be aroused

when all I really want

is to go to bed.

Love is Love

but have I found it anywhere?

I can be alone

and satisfy myself

but what I really need

is someone to hold me at night

and tell me things are alright.

 

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Caged Love

As the last ray of light

hits the horizon

I see you in my dreams

once again.

My hands shake

like they did

those many

years ago

in your bedroom.

Have I ever loved anyone

as I loved you then?

 

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Short Stories

I am posting short stories to my Patreon…

 

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If You Will Remain

Soft lips

under soft light

candle light,

knowing you’re there.

 

Moments together

yearning for more.

 

Day ends

is there more?

can I ever know you

know you more?

 

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Into the Woods

The embers of the fire glow as if alive. The fire is almost dead. Smoke rises in a few places. I sit on a log nearby watching. It’s late in the evening and I’m here alone watching a fire die out.
The rest of the troop is elsewhere.
Earlier in the night we scattered through the trees hiding as other seeked. I walked slowly through the woods trying to avoid the random branch. I can smell the scents of camping. The smell of trees and the smell of nearby camp fires.
I begin to hide by myself when he appeared…

 

Continued on my Patreon:

 

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Once Upon a Memory

When I close my eyes I remember the beginning. The scars remain but so do the memories. I’m told that things will get better but memories are not as easy to heal.

The lights are off in his house. I can hear the rest of his family asleep throughout the house. I’m sleeping on the floor in a sleeping bag. It feels like I’m camping.

He’s in his bed. I’m on the floor next to his bed. I wonder if he’s asleep but I’m unwilling to sit up and look. It’s a quiet night. The absence of extraneous sounds only amplifies the relevant sounds.

Shall I name him? A person from memory? Is this memory what actually happened or a fictionalized version that my brain has created?

I don’t know what time it is. He moves in his bed. I hear him because I’ve been listening in anticipation of hearing him move, which means that he could be awake. I’ve waited for this moment. The first time could have been one of those once in a lifetime moments.

I close my eyes because it’s like a scary movie where you want to know what happens next but you’re afraid to see it actually take place. I close my eyes tightly.

I feel his breath upon my neck. His mouth is so close to my neck that I can feel the warmth of his breath…

Continued:

http://patreon.com/jason29171

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A moment

I was thinking so often,

in that moment

that lasted a only minutes,

that I could take you home

but I was too shy to even

go up to you in person.

I watched hoping

that you’d come over

and things would happen

like an emotion.

I imagine you as my boyfriend

though I don’t know your name.

I imagine us together

though it will never be that way.

I dream of you

if only in that moment.

 

 

 

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Your Lips

Suddenly I’m into deep

when I’ve chased my dreams

down a dead end street.

I watch you in memory,

you were so much to me,

but now you’re somewhere

out there unaware

of how much you meant to me.

Who am I?

What has made me into

the person you now see?

I’m not perfect

and I will never be whole

because things I’ve left behind.

Suddenly I’m aware of myself.

I am aware of a time forgotten

now remembered as if

lived only a moment ago.

We kissed.

Do you recall?

I was in love

or so I thought

but you turned me down.

It was the best,

for the two of us,

to part as we did

but I still miss your lips

pressed against mine.

 

 

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Where We Once Walked…

The bus moves slowly through the town that I once called home. I’ve been sleeping since I left the place I was but now here I am uncertain of what’s next. I could say that moving back here was a part of a greater plan but when have I ever planned anything?
The trees where I once ran between remain. The park still as green as when I was here once so many years ago.
I remember that last night spent here with him. We were in love but my life called me away.
The bus stops and for a moment I consider remaining on the bus. I could go to another town. I could live the rest of my life without returning here…
Continue reading on my Patreon (found below):

Junk

Sometimes I wonder

why all of the ignorance?

Your comment was

like an empty container:

full of nothing.

Why do you share such junk?

 

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Ignorance

I can see your ignorance

so clear

and your hate

comes through

with every word

you wrote.

You think you’re so mighty,

a judge over

everything,

you think you’re

unsinkable

but you’re a fake.

How easy it is to write

about something you know nothing about.

Keep your ignorance to yourself.

 

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Awake and Hopeful

I woke from a dream

not knowing if it was real,

open my eyes to realise

I was dreaming the entire time.

I could say I regret

but life happened

and all you have are memories.

I have a telephone

but no one ever calls me,

I’m alone on this journey of life

and I’m looking for someone to show me

the direction to the the nearest exit.

I wake to a cold bed,

I’m stiff and freezing cold.

I’m alone in my bed

with dreams lingering,

do you remember me

because I was different then?

Now I am woke

ready to smash,

patiently waiting

but always a hopeless romantic

I eagerly wait for the next dream

and as soon as my head reaches the pillow

I’ll be far from here

in a fantasy.

Are you there

reading what I have to say?

I wish we could have been

more than friends

but now it’s not the same

and I am trying to be someone better

than I was those many years ago.

One last thing before I go:

I’m awake and hopeful.

 

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Memories

If you can hear me,

when I say I need you,

will you remember me

when I’m no longer with you?

Someday my memories,

all of my days and nights,

will be forgotten

like so many before me.

I wonder if I’m wasting

these precious hours

seeking something

I shall never find.

I wonder if there’s more

to life than history.

 

 

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