On My Own…

I stare into the abyss of the coming day,

hours I dread coming so fast

like a train on a foggy day

appearing like a ghost

so suddenly,

I shake myself awake

after dreams so vivid

but now they’re all faded

erased from my memory.

I count to ease the things

of memory that sometimes

rush like a flood

overwhelming me

as I attempt to live my life

forgetting the trauma

that has brought me here.

If only I could not be alone

I could dream those pleasant dreams

every night without the worry of

reliving something so dark from my past.

I could kiss his lips,

kiss his hips,

feel his embrace

while he’s inside.

These hours of life bring me back

to what’s real and what is not.

I’m without a love

and sometimes it hurts

to be on my own in this World.


Please consider the Following:



When I dream of Love…

All of these days and nights

dreaming of someone like you

but you’re just a dream

that will never come true.

Alone in my room

with my thoughts

and time…

I find myself wanting what I’ve never had from you.


Please consider the Following:



Sometimes of Memory

Sometimes while watching the weather repeat,

hot days with thunderstorms once again,

I find myself thinking about these many years.

Once I sat and spoke with you

on the Boulevard

while fascinated by the colors of the lights

and our conversation I recall

as a jumble of words.

I follow these fragments of memory

to the many places that I have been before.

I can taste these memories

like you were here with me now

but I have no idea where you reside now.


Please consider the Following:



I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.



Please consider the Following:



The hour comes to me,

late at night in my room,

with the urge to be aroused

when all I really want

is to go to bed.

Love is Love

but have I found it anywhere?

I can be alone

and satisfy myself

but what I really need

is someone to hold me at night

and tell me things are alright.


Please consider the Following:



A million questions

inside of my head,

sitting while you were

going down,

closing my eyes

to what’s real

for a dream.

I close my eyes

to it all

when things are tough,

I imagine things are better

but I wonder if

things will ever be better…




If You Will Remain

Soft lips

under soft light

candle light,

knowing you’re there.


Moments together

yearning for more.


Day ends

is there more?

can I ever know you

know you more?


Please consider the Following:


A moment

I was thinking so often,

in that moment

that lasted a only minutes,

that I could take you home

but I was too shy to even

go up to you in person.

I watched hoping

that you’d come over

and things would happen

like an emotion.

I imagine you as my boyfriend

though I don’t know your name.

I imagine us together

though it will never be that way.

I dream of you

if only in that moment.




Please consider the Following:



Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.


Please consider the Following:


I dream of Love

I dream of days that will never be,

I dream of people I’ll never know.

Sometimes I say words no one will ever hear,

sometimes I think: why am I here?

It’s not easy to explain,

the many things

that I am.

I can be sweet

and I can be not so nice at times.

I have these moments I feel so alone,

I want you to know that the pain you may feel

I have felt that pain as well.

I wake up not aware of what to think of the new day,

I awake hopeful that I won’t make too many mistakes.

I’m too honest at times

and I lie too often

nothing is real anymore.

I like things you may hate.

I think too much

and I do too little

so my life feels incomplete.

I’m sometimes horny,

it’s a part of the lonely.

If you know what I mean

you must be breathing.

I want to be with someone,

use my dick once again.

Is that too honest

or is that vulgar?

If I tell you I want dick again

where would we begin

to say what is hidden within?

I know secrets that I won’t share here.

Where was I?

I want it but I may never have it again.

I also want love but what is love?

How do I know it’s real

when I’ve never really had it?

Who am I?

I am many things to many different people.

I am not always the same.

What I say tonight

may not be what I say tomorrow.

I dream while awake.

I dream of him

but there’s no him in real life.

We kiss and I want to remain kissing forever.

We share our lives

but I have no life to give.

We are physical but you’re not.

What I want is more than a dick,

that’s not mine,

but I don’t have that yet.

I dream while awake of a love not yet had.


Please consider the Following:




It’s late in the evening,

I’m thinking of leaving,

but there’s nothing for me

out there beyond the dreams.

I like to be more than imaginary,

these feelings so real

I’m about to be real.

Have you seen my anatomy?

What words would you say

to describe the parts of my anatomy?

I’ve been given compliments,

nice dick and balls,

but here I’m alone.

I am no longer ashamed

of what’s down below

I can show you if you want,

you can play with it if you like

I’m over being down about myself.

In my honesty I might be graphic

but why not be honest with ourselves

and talk about how we feel.

I like sex but that’s not all there’s to me.

It’s late in the evening

and things are getting strange,

hiding what I mean

between the lines.

I want to share the times I’ve had

that still remain fresh in my memory.

I want to live it again

though it cannot be again.

Before I was so low,

hated everything about myself,

and those times I was wanted and desired for my dick

it made me feel somewhat better about myself.

If you think you know me you don’t,

I am many layers,

and not all of my layers are revealed

to everyone.

This is complicated,

like me,

but there’s a point to all of this:

I have a dick and I’m not ashamed of it anymore.

I was told so many other things

that made me doubt everything,

but now here I am.

If you have anything bad to say

about me or what I say

then I have something for you.


Please consider the Following:


Wait and See

I’m patiently waiting,

I have what you want,

ask and you will find

what I’ll show you.

Let’s not play,

I have a nice one

so let’s see what we can do with it.

We have options,

no reason to stop,

on your lips I can feel

that this is real.

Do we need a break?

I can take you anywhere,

I can be where you need me.

Is this real or make believe?

I have a nice one

so I’ll do what I can

to use it when I can,

no apologies for my honesty.


Please consider the Following:




It’s me again

trying to be me since when,

not ashamed to admit my needs when

I write about my lack of sex in my life.

Memories are fine

but being on my own

these memories only remind me

of the absence in my life.


Please consider the Following:




With fading dreams I awake,

wondering if today will be different

from the many before this one.

I dream of a stranger,

someone unknown to me now

but someday we won’t be strangers anymore.


I’ve been thinking of you often,

wondering what those future days

would be like when my solitude would end.

I could smell your skin,

a scent I would know so well,

place my lips against your skin

just below your ears.

I could feel you pressing against me,

feel you in me.

We could begin with whispers,

love lines said between us.

We would kiss

and hold each other closer than before.

I would find you ready,

I could kiss it

and know that you’re eagerly waiting

to fill me your love.

Now back to this moment,

alone wondering if we’ll ever be

because it’s hard when I imagine

what it will be like to have you in my arms

and know that you love me.


Please consider the Following:





Sky is full of stars,

memories fill me

as I long to be

somewhere other than here.

I’m in my room,

though in my mind

I’m thousands of miles

somewhere else.

Images fill my head,

my heart quickens its pace.

I think of them,

their names long since

gone from my memory.

If I could touch you one more time,

taste you again,

feel your skin against mine,

feel your body as I am inside

of feel you inside

of me.

Those times were quick,

so brief yet I want them again.

I stand alone,

now in my room again,

I feel myself growing,

as these memories

come again.

I long for you

and I hope that you are doing well.

It’s been some years since

and I still remember you.


I was so eager,

the conversation

we had

now only a blur of random words.

I wanted you,

in the living room.

You told me to take it slow

but I needed your everything.

Alone we were

in my apartment,

I was nervous

as I tasted you for the first time

you were uncircumcised.

You filled my with


and then you filled me again.

That night now

a memory I linger upon from time to time.

On my fold out bed,

it was a gift from an older man

but that’s another story.

I was on top of you.

We rested there

until you had to go

but I did not want you to leave.

I don’t know your name

but you meant so much to me.

It was just a moment

with you in me

but the time we shared

was more than that,

it was a memory I now cherish.

I would find you if I could

but where would I start

to find you in the crowd.

Those Darkest of Hours

In the dark hours,

times of low

and sorrow

I hear his voice

shattering my silence.

I want to kill his memories,

forget the time I spent captive.

I’ve been broken,

those words spoken

are still roaming

my head like smoke filling

a room of memory.

You watched me in the shower,

you watched me as I slept

on your sofa in the living room.

You took me in your mouth,

threw up all over me,

I am being blunt

because these feelings

could ruin me

if not expressed.

You took me when I was low,

in need of a friend

but that was not what you wanted,

and you shattered me

with your words and deeds

when you wanted my seed inside of you.

This is raw

like my emotions,

confused as I was about the moments.

So you made me hard,

it’s not that difficult to do,

but I was never into you

like you were into me.

We could have been friends

but then you kept wanting more,

now these many years later

I write these words

wanting to end your

influence over me.

Living Room Scene

It’s been some time since those times,

on your knees

at me feet

you consumed me.

I see you sometimes,

Sunday morning,

and I remember

those hours.

I can feel your mouth

take me inside

as my mind drifted.

I can remember those times

and I think I want it again

but I don’t know why.

I think of those moments

and I become harder

confused by these emotions.

I remember those times,

I sat in your living room,

that you sat me down

and now you act as though

it never occurred.

Hello Stranger

Hello Stranger,

insert your name here.

Not that I hate you

or love you

but what we had was just a moment.

I remember those times

but I don’t remember all of you.

You pointed down

and told me you wanted it

after saying you were

not about it.

You took my hand,

such a public occasion,

in the restroom

or the back alley

you were there.

Hello again,

you may not remember me

but I remember those times.


Waking up alone again

I imagine those times before,

though now I’m wanting more

than whatever those times were.


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