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#purpose

Long Day’s Night

Tonight I am seeking inspiration,

words to form in my head,

but all I feel like doing

is dreaming with my eyes closed instead.

The feeling of being creative is strong

but so is the desire for sleep

when a long day

comes to an end.

 

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Resist…

Moving against the wind,

straining to survive in this World

as the forces of evil reign.

I can hear the voices

of the weak

they seek refuge

from the storm.

I can see

the powerful

have a grip upon everything

as they increase their wealth

by the sweat of those

trapped by their circumstances.

Keep on praying,

you that seek to live

a better life

because you are heard.

I don’t have the answers

but I know something is not right

with the way things are now.

Let us keep moving forward

no matter how many times

they try to keep us down…

 

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Whole Again

I wish I could be so bold

in my life

but these strings

keep me down.

I feel the tug to be

like someone else

when my real self keeps

reaching up towards

greater heights.

I imagine being myself

but who am I

when these tragedies and lies

have shaped my identity?

I want to love but I fear

love won’t be returned.

These nights alone

I fear these nights

will be the rest

of my life.

Stuck in me head

trying to be me

when your impressions of me

keep bringing me down.

Trying to live my dreams

but all I receive are reasons to give up.

I hear the birds sing

and I hear the wind through the trees

as I sit silently waiting for another day to begin…

Can you take away the pain

and all of these hidden things

that keep me locked away?

I never doubted you,

Lord, you have brought me through

so much pain and suffering

but now I need for you

to make these broken pieces

whole again.

 

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Lost

We follow these roads,

take chances on the direction

we’re headed.

We’re uncertain

of our destination,

we follow anyone

when we have nowhere

to go in mind.

 

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Satisfy

The hour comes to me,

late at night in my room,

with the urge to be aroused

when all I really want

is to go to bed.

Love is Love

but have I found it anywhere?

I can be alone

and satisfy myself

but what I really need

is someone to hold me at night

and tell me things are alright.

 

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If You Will Remain

Soft lips

under soft light

candle light,

knowing you’re there.

 

Moments together

yearning for more.

 

Day ends

is there more?

can I ever know you

know you more?

 

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Junk

Sometimes I wonder

why all of the ignorance?

Your comment was

like an empty container:

full of nothing.

Why do you share such junk?

 

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Ignorance

I can see your ignorance

so clear

and your hate

comes through

with every word

you wrote.

You think you’re so mighty,

a judge over

everything,

you think you’re

unsinkable

but you’re a fake.

How easy it is to write

about something you know nothing about.

Keep your ignorance to yourself.

 

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On My Own

Today I woke up,

alone again,

not knowing

where to begin.

Who can I go to

when I need someone?

I’m here alone,

wondering what to do,

wondering if I will fail

when I try to be more

than I was yesterday.

Will you help me?

Today I wonder

how I will do anything

on my own.

 

Awake and Hopeful

I woke from a dream

not knowing if it was real,

open my eyes to realise

I was dreaming the entire time.

I could say I regret

but life happened

and all you have are memories.

I have a telephone

but no one ever calls me,

I’m alone on this journey of life

and I’m looking for someone to show me

the direction to the the nearest exit.

I wake to a cold bed,

I’m stiff and freezing cold.

I’m alone in my bed

with dreams lingering,

do you remember me

because I was different then?

Now I am woke

ready to smash,

patiently waiting

but always a hopeless romantic

I eagerly wait for the next dream

and as soon as my head reaches the pillow

I’ll be far from here

in a fantasy.

Are you there

reading what I have to say?

I wish we could have been

more than friends

but now it’s not the same

and I am trying to be someone better

than I was those many years ago.

One last thing before I go:

I’m awake and hopeful.

 

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Who Cares?

It’s raining outside my window,

darkness all around me,

night has come once again

and dreams will soon find me.

My head is heavy with burdens,

does anyone care?

I find these times alone,

times when I have nothing but thinking to do

to be times of strong emotions

as I recall memories

when all I have are memories.

Is it better to be alone?

No one to share these moments with.

I have my memories

but who cares about my memories?

 

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Memories

If you can hear me,

when I say I need you,

will you remember me

when I’m no longer with you?

Someday my memories,

all of my days and nights,

will be forgotten

like so many before me.

I wonder if I’m wasting

these precious hours

seeking something

I shall never find.

I wonder if there’s more

to life than history.

 

 

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Writing

It’s late I know

but here I am

waiting for stuff

to download.

I’m thinking of how

I feel so tired

but I want nothing more

than to keep going

as though I don’t feel so bad.

At times like these,

I need to go to bed,

and these feelings deep within

will soon go away

but for now I stand well aware

of everything.

I’m alone,

this is certain,

no test to determine whether or not.

If only I could feel better I would

stay up tonight writing

like I did at one time.

The words would flow

so easily.

I wish that I did not feel so bad.

I could write again like I did back then,

I could write like I know I can.

 

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Again

Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.

 

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I dream of Love

I dream of days that will never be,

I dream of people I’ll never know.

Sometimes I say words no one will ever hear,

sometimes I think: why am I here?

It’s not easy to explain,

the many things

that I am.

I can be sweet

and I can be not so nice at times.

I have these moments I feel so alone,

I want you to know that the pain you may feel

I have felt that pain as well.

I wake up not aware of what to think of the new day,

I awake hopeful that I won’t make too many mistakes.

I’m too honest at times

and I lie too often

nothing is real anymore.

I like things you may hate.

I think too much

and I do too little

so my life feels incomplete.

I’m sometimes horny,

it’s a part of the lonely.

If you know what I mean

you must be breathing.

I want to be with someone,

use my dick once again.

Is that too honest

or is that vulgar?

If I tell you I want dick again

where would we begin

to say what is hidden within?

I know secrets that I won’t share here.

Where was I?

I want it but I may never have it again.

I also want love but what is love?

How do I know it’s real

when I’ve never really had it?

Who am I?

I am many things to many different people.

I am not always the same.

What I say tonight

may not be what I say tomorrow.

I dream while awake.

I dream of him

but there’s no him in real life.

We kiss and I want to remain kissing forever.

We share our lives

but I have no life to give.

We are physical but you’re not.

What I want is more than a dick,

that’s not mine,

but I don’t have that yet.

I dream while awake of a love not yet had.

 

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Day to Day

These times are tougher,

wondering what tomorrow will bring,

tougher than most days

but these aren’t your typical days.

My emotions are mixed,

I want to be alone

but I want to have a boyfriend

to hold me at night.

These times I imagine being next to him,

I could feel him next to me

and this closeness would

bring comfort to me.

Now Alone I stand,

always alone am I

as I wonder if there’s more to life

than this day to day.

 

These Nights

These nights are long

dreaming of a life different,

uncertain of how to find

a way to change everything.

I follow each day to the end,

dawn to dusk

I rise to lay my head

back down again.

I could pretend I know where I’m going

but what is certain

is that nothing is certain

with me.

Lingering

Lingering on a moment,

images flashing,

I cannot forget

what happened

both good and bad

in my life.

I have spoken

the words

to express my story

but does anyone care

about the things I’ve experienced?

Hurt and broken

am I,

waiting to be mended

but all I find

is solitude.

Not long ago I met a stranger,

his lips parted,

is this what I was missing?

It was not boring

but something was not

as I would have wanted.

Inside of him I was,

so close we were

but so far apart.

Now I wonder if

forever alone I shall be.

Conclusions

I can feel myself longing for sleep

as my mind races,

so many thoughts

so few hours to dream of

things to come.

I imagine a future,

better than the present,

waiting for me

to come to the right conclusions.

 

Seeking After

I take the Red,

watching people sometimes,

wasting time

as above me now

people live their lives.

The sound of an approaching train,

The sounds of people all around,

we rush as the doors part,

as strangers on a train

we leave here for somewhere.

We’re all going somewhere,

different places, we’re searching for something.

I seek my identity in the days spent traveling,

others seek purpose in the stars,

but my seeking is done on the journeys

from place to place

living my life.

I’m on the 4 heading East up Santa Monica,

sky is growing dark with time

as I find myself in the travels of life.

These words from memories,

now I’m so far from these places traveled.

Now, I seek myself when I’m alone in my room

listening to song after song

as the hours pass me by.

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