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We Kissed…

Somewhere, once someday long ago,

we kissed and I remember

how much I wanted it to never end

but here I am alone

longing to be kissed again.

I cannot explain it,

these feelings within

like tiny explosions

in my heart.

Do I still love you

or have I ever loved you

from the start?

Maybe I’ll never know

because it ended before

it had time to truly begin…

 

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Waiting

I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.

 

 

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A moment

I was thinking so often,

in that moment

that lasted a only minutes,

that I could take you home

but I was too shy to even

go up to you in person.

I watched hoping

that you’d come over

and things would happen

like an emotion.

I imagine you as my boyfriend

though I don’t know your name.

I imagine us together

though it will never be that way.

I dream of you

if only in that moment.

 

 

 

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Days Gone

I watched the days,

so many days gone,

drifting like a leaf

on a stream

towards a river

to never be seen again.

 

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Remember

These days,

looking back,

looking forward

uncertain where I’ll be next.

I remember you,

I’ve not forgotten

what you meant to me

even after all of these years.

I reflect upon those days and nights,

so many people that I have met,

and now here I am alone.

On the floor the night before,

I spent so many days and nights

in that house.

In the living room

sharing a moment,

sharing a sofa

I remember your kiss

and I remember my love

for you.

I remember you,

you know who you are.

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Again

Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.

 

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I dream of Love

I dream of days that will never be,

I dream of people I’ll never know.

Sometimes I say words no one will ever hear,

sometimes I think: why am I here?

It’s not easy to explain,

the many things

that I am.

I can be sweet

and I can be not so nice at times.

I have these moments I feel so alone,

I want you to know that the pain you may feel

I have felt that pain as well.

I wake up not aware of what to think of the new day,

I awake hopeful that I won’t make too many mistakes.

I’m too honest at times

and I lie too often

nothing is real anymore.

I like things you may hate.

I think too much

and I do too little

so my life feels incomplete.

I’m sometimes horny,

it’s a part of the lonely.

If you know what I mean

you must be breathing.

I want to be with someone,

use my dick once again.

Is that too honest

or is that vulgar?

If I tell you I want dick again

where would we begin

to say what is hidden within?

I know secrets that I won’t share here.

Where was I?

I want it but I may never have it again.

I also want love but what is love?

How do I know it’s real

when I’ve never really had it?

Who am I?

I am many things to many different people.

I am not always the same.

What I say tonight

may not be what I say tomorrow.

I dream while awake.

I dream of him

but there’s no him in real life.

We kiss and I want to remain kissing forever.

We share our lives

but I have no life to give.

We are physical but you’re not.

What I want is more than a dick,

that’s not mine,

but I don’t have that yet.

I dream while awake of a love not yet had.

 

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Remember

Sky is full of stars,

memories fill me

as I long to be

somewhere other than here.

I’m in my room,

though in my mind

I’m thousands of miles

somewhere else.

Images fill my head,

my heart quickens its pace.

I think of them,

their names long since

gone from my memory.

If I could touch you one more time,

taste you again,

feel your skin against mine,

feel your body as I am inside

of feel you inside

of me.

Those times were quick,

so brief yet I want them again.

I stand alone,

now in my room again,

I feel myself growing,

as these memories

come again.

I long for you

and I hope that you are doing well.

It’s been some years since

and I still remember you.

Day to Day

These times are tougher,

wondering what tomorrow will bring,

tougher than most days

but these aren’t your typical days.

My emotions are mixed,

I want to be alone

but I want to have a boyfriend

to hold me at night.

These times I imagine being next to him,

I could feel him next to me

and this closeness would

bring comfort to me.

Now Alone I stand,

always alone am I

as I wonder if there’s more to life

than this day to day.

 

These Nights

These nights are long

dreaming of a life different,

uncertain of how to find

a way to change everything.

I follow each day to the end,

dawn to dusk

I rise to lay my head

back down again.

I could pretend I know where I’m going

but what is certain

is that nothing is certain

with me.

Living Room Scene

It’s been some time since those times,

on your knees

at me feet

you consumed me.

I see you sometimes,

Sunday morning,

and I remember

those hours.

I can feel your mouth

take me inside

as my mind drifted.

I can remember those times

and I think I want it again

but I don’t know why.

I think of those moments

and I become harder

confused by these emotions.

I remember those times,

I sat in your living room,

that you sat me down

and now you act as though

it never occurred.

Hello Stranger

Hello Stranger,

insert your name here.

Not that I hate you

or love you

but what we had was just a moment.

I remember those times

but I don’t remember all of you.

You pointed down

and told me you wanted it

after saying you were

not about it.

You took my hand,

such a public occasion,

in the restroom

or the back alley

you were there.

Hello again,

you may not remember me

but I remember those times.

Woke

Waking up alone again

I imagine those times before,

though now I’m wanting more

than whatever those times were.

 

Aware

Somewhere in these words,

the many things I’ve said

and written,

you could find me.

I hate to repeat myself,

but I will as long as required,

so I tell you I need you.

I don’t know who you are,

we may have met

but I’m still unaware

of your significance.

 

In My Own Voice

I struggle with the failure,

life is unexpected sometimes,

and I keep going

like I meant to do it that way.

I hear the words spoken,

those years ago

by someone intent

on harming me,

but now I hear these words

that hurt and bring me down

in my own voice.

Between

Somewhere between awake

and dreaming

I imagine things spoken,

as whispers in my head.

 

Wonder

The headlines are depressing,

my life is not what I would have expected.

I sit here thinking of choices made,

wondering about my choices

I will make.

Tired and alone,

horny but don’t want to do anything by myself.

The hour is late,

I wonder if I will ever date.

 

Past and Future

These nights I’m alone

wishing I were not,

I can remember

those times before

but what are memories

when you’re on your own?

I miss that touch,

I miss the kissing,

I can imagine those times

we did so much.

Now, alone in my room,

I dream of being with someone again,

but more than a night.

I am here alone dreaming about

the past and my future.

Time Drifting

I feel time moving,

as days become weeks

and weeks become years

and years are forgotten

except for the rarest of moments

that remain in our memory.

We sat rising into the the night sky

this water ride we were on,

talking as we looked over the side of the ride.

It was so long ago,

you have drifted so far away,

Eyes Open

I could close my eyes,

dream while I’m awake,

I could shake the tree

of memories

of the dried out leaves

of regret and suffering.

Do you hear me now?

I’m here shouting aloud.

I need more than kind words.

I hope you’ll understand if I don’t

always say the right words,

I’m not here to impress you

or change who I am

to meet your expectations of me,

I’m here to be me

and I need help from someone, anyone.

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