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#songs

Not Forgotten

I slow my mind

with a rhythm

as my heart races.

I think about a moment,

it was so long ago,

it was just one night

but I’ve never forgotten it.

I recall meeting him

every so often

and how I only thought of him

while we were together.

Sometimes I think about the guys

I’ve shared my time with

but they were only moments in time

and now I am here alone.

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This Now…

I have been waiting for so long

to tell you everything

but at these times

the words fail me somehow.

If I could take back

what I’ve done,

reverse the years

to spare you the tears,

I would do anything

to do it all again.

I cannot pretend to understand

having someone like me

is like having no one at all

but here we are

and we’re all we’ve got

in this World.

So, let’s start new

with here and now

and see where things

take us now.

 

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Waiting

I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.

 

 

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A moment

I was thinking so often,

in that moment

that lasted a only minutes,

that I could take you home

but I was too shy to even

go up to you in person.

I watched hoping

that you’d come over

and things would happen

like an emotion.

I imagine you as my boyfriend

though I don’t know your name.

I imagine us together

though it will never be that way.

I dream of you

if only in that moment.

 

 

 

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Not Here

Slow down,

night is here,

sing me to sleep

while I pretend

I’m somewhere not here.

 

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Forward

A song stuck in my head,

over and over again,

and it keeps me going on

as the words flow from me

like so long ago.

I wish that I could

make things like they were before

but time keeps us moving forward.

 

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Again

Last words for another day,

will I be so bold

and say what’s on my mind?

I’m gay if you don’t already know.

I suck cock and guys suck mine as well.

I’ve had sex as if you could tell by looking at me.

Am I ashamed of these things?

No, I’m not and I will do it again.

 

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Day to Day

These times are tougher,

wondering what tomorrow will bring,

tougher than most days

but these aren’t your typical days.

My emotions are mixed,

I want to be alone

but I want to have a boyfriend

to hold me at night.

These times I imagine being next to him,

I could feel him next to me

and this closeness would

bring comfort to me.

Now Alone I stand,

always alone am I

as I wonder if there’s more to life

than this day to day.

 

Past

I hear the soundtrack of my life,

it’s not what you’d imagine.

I can hum along

but I never know the words.

I can recall the feeling behind

memories like scenes from a movie

I watch again and again

in my head.

I rewind but I don’t travel in time,

no going back.

 

 

Seeking After

I take the Red,

watching people sometimes,

wasting time

as above me now

people live their lives.

The sound of an approaching train,

The sounds of people all around,

we rush as the doors part,

as strangers on a train

we leave here for somewhere.

We’re all going somewhere,

different places, we’re searching for something.

I seek my identity in the days spent traveling,

others seek purpose in the stars,

but my seeking is done on the journeys

from place to place

living my life.

I’m on the 4 heading East up Santa Monica,

sky is growing dark with time

as I find myself in the travels of life.

These words from memories,

now I’m so far from these places traveled.

Now, I seek myself when I’m alone in my room

listening to song after song

as the hours pass me by.

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