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On My Own…

jasonwhitaker29171 · September 2, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #Boys, #fantasy, #GayWriter, #Kiss, #Kissing, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #oral, #poem, #sex, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

I stare into the abyss of the coming day,

hours I dread coming so fast

like a train on a foggy day

appearing like a ghost

so suddenly,

I shake myself awake

after dreams so vivid

but now they’re all faded

erased from my memory.

I count to ease the things

of memory that sometimes

rush like a flood

overwhelming me

as I attempt to live my life

forgetting the trauma

that has brought me here.

If only I could not be alone

I could dream those pleasant dreams

every night without the worry of

reliving something so dark from my past.

I could kiss his lips,

kiss his hips,

feel his embrace

while he’s inside.

These hours of life bring me back

to what’s real and what is not.

I’m without a love

and sometimes it hurts

to be on my own in this World.

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Goodbye to the Past

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 18, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #California, #friends, #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #past, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

It’s been so many days

since we last spoke on the telephone

but it’s just now that I write these words down:

I wish that things were different,

I miss the way it was before

but maybe it could never be

like it was before again.

I don’t blame you for being who you are,

I only wish you the best,

and as I end this

I want you to know

how much you mean to me

all of those times we’d be on the telephone.

It meant more to me

to hear you talk about your day

because I’m here alone

so often and you were

a voice in the silence

of my life.

We have parted ways,

we’ve done this before,

but now I’m afraid

that this must be

a permanent end

to our conversations.

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Alone in this World…

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 11, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Late in the evening,

early in the morning

sometimes I wonder

if alone is how I’ll always be

in this World.

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Not Forgotten

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 4, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Boys, #gaypoem, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #Kissing, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #music, #night, #past, #poem, #sex, #songs, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

I slow my mind

with a rhythm

as my heart races.

I think about a moment,

it was so long ago,

it was just one night

but I’ve never forgotten it.

I recall meeting him

every so often

and how I only thought of him

while we were together.

Sometimes I think about the guys

I’ve shared my time with

but they were only moments in time

and now I am here alone.

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When I dream of Love…

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 3, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #love, #lover, #masturbation, #oral, #past, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

All of these days and nights

dreaming of someone like you

but you’re just a dream

that will never come true.

Alone in my room

with my thoughts

and time…

I find myself wanting what I’ve never had from you.

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Times…

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 1, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #writer, poetry

I thought these days would be better,

these times alone

with my thoughts,

but do things ever get better?

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If Only

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 1, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #boyfriend, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Somewhere out there among the stars,

I’ll find my dreams

and find you waiting for me.

Come to me when you find me,

I’ll be waiting for you.

We search our entire lives

for the love

that no one else has for us.

We search all of these days and nights

for arms to hold us tight

but we spend too many nights alone

wishing we could find this love.

If only love could find his way to me…

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Sometimes I Wonder…

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 1, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Alone, #boyfriend, #depression, #emotions, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #memory, #night, #past, #poem, #sex, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Sometimes I wonder

where I went so wrong?

I could love you

but these feelings

won’t let me

let you in.

Somedays I feel like this crushing force

is about to take my last breath

as I remember you

as you were

when we would kiss.

Sometimes I think no one

could ever love me

as I am,

but how could I ever change

who I am for love?

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Strange Dreams

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 1, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #GayWriter, #images, #LGBTWriter, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, Fiction, poetry, writing

Sometimes late at night

I imagine things

like strange sounds

outside my bedroom window.

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This Now…

jasonwhitaker29171 · August 1, 2019 · Fiction, writing, poetry, writing · #emotions, #FlashFiction, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #music, #poem, #songs, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, #YAfiction, Fiction, poetry, writing

I have been waiting for so long

to tell you everything

but at these times

the words fail me somehow.

If I could take back

what I’ve done,

reverse the years

to spare you the tears,

I would do anything

to do it all again.

I cannot pretend to understand

having someone like me

is like having no one at all

but here we are

and we’re all we’ve got

in this World.

So, let’s start new

with here and now

and see where things

take us now.

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We Kissed…

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 30, 2019 · Uncategorized · #Alone, #emotions, #friends, #GayWriter, #Kiss, #Kissing, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #love, #lover, #past, #poem, #SC, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Somewhere, once someday long ago,

we kissed and I remember

how much I wanted it to never end

but here I am alone

longing to be kissed again.

I cannot explain it,

these feelings within

like tiny explosions

in my heart.

Do I still love you

or have I ever loved you

from the start?

Maybe I’ll never know

because it ended before

it had time to truly begin…

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Long Day’s Night

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 30, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #poem, #purpose, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Tonight I am seeking inspiration,

words to form in my head,

but all I feel like doing

is dreaming with my eyes closed instead.

The feeling of being creative is strong

but so is the desire for sleep

when a long day

comes to an end.

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Resist…

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 25, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #music, #poem, #purpose, #resist, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Moving against the wind,

straining to survive in this World

as the forces of evil reign.

I can hear the voices

of the weak

they seek refuge

from the storm.

I can see

the powerful

have a grip upon everything

as they increase their wealth

by the sweat of those

trapped by their circumstances.

Keep on praying,

you that seek to live

a better life

because you are heard.

I don’t have the answers

but I know something is not right

with the way things are now.

Let us keep moving forward

no matter how many times

they try to keep us down…

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Whole Again

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 25, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #abuse, #depression, #Dreams, #emotions, #GayWriter, #identity, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #memory, #night, #past, #poem, #purpose, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

I wish I could be so bold

in my life

but these strings

keep me down.

I feel the tug to be

like someone else

when my real self keeps

reaching up towards

greater heights.

I imagine being myself

but who am I

when these tragedies and lies

have shaped my identity?

I want to love but I fear

love won’t be returned.

These nights alone

I fear these nights

will be the rest

of my life.

Stuck in me head

trying to be me

when your impressions of me

keep bringing me down.

Trying to live my dreams

but all I receive are reasons to give up.

I hear the birds sing

and I hear the wind through the trees

as I sit silently waiting for another day to begin…

Can you take away the pain

and all of these hidden things

that keep me locked away?

I never doubted you,

Lord, you have brought me through

so much pain and suffering

but now I need for you

to make these broken pieces

whole again.

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Lost

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 25, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #poem, #purpose, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

We follow these roads,

take chances on the direction

we’re headed.

We’re uncertain

of our destination,

we follow anyone

when we have nowhere

to go in mind.

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Soundtrack to My Life

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 25, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

A strange feeling comes over me

whenever I hear

that familiar song.

It may be from a movie,

a soundtrack that could be for my life,

but it resonates beyond the big screen.

I can hear the words and I can hear the music

as I go through my day

even when I cannot recall the name

of the song.

A stranger’s reflection in your mind,

you may have met once

but this meeting

left an impression on your mind.

A soundtrack to my life,

a cast of characters,

a constant rhythm in head.

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Most Important Dreams

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 23, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Dreams, #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #identity, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #night, #past, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

Waking in the morning,

I’m out of bed

before my dreams fade

as they do everyday.

No alarm

just another day.

Nothing to do

but work and dream

the day away.

Say nothing to anyone

because I’m all alone in my room.

I dream while awake

and I dream at night

but the dreams that matter

the most to me

are the dreams

I’ve had so many years now…

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Past Dreams

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 19, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #Dreams, #gaypoem, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #past, #poem, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, poetry, writing

I close my eyes to the night,

imagine a memory

but it was only a dream

I once had

when I was young.

What do I recall

from those earlier times?

I was not always alone

but now it’s all I remember.

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Waiting

jasonwhitaker29171 · July 16, 2019 · writing, poetry, writing · #boyfriend, #cock, #Dreams, #fantasy, #gaypoem, #gaysex, #GayWriter, #images, #LGBT, #LGBTWriter, #LosAngeles, #masturbation, #night, #oral, #SC, #songs, #SouthCarolina, #West Columbia, #words, #writer, writing

I shed the things of my past

like baggage left

at a former house.

I see the changes

over time

like an evolution

of myself.

I feel the soft skin beneath

and the blood rushes.

Counting the stars

while wishing

these dreams

could ever be true.

I lay in bed wondering,

is this all there will ever be?

I keep hope

despite the odds.

Is this real living

or am I a captive of my dreams?

A dream is worth the waiting.

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